Our media at times throws around terms without much explanation, or even understanding, of what the terms mean. One of those terms is “domestic violence.” The headlines read “so and so arrested for domestic violence” or “so and so charged with domestic violence,” usually an athlete, without any understanding or explanation what domestic violence actually means under the law, let alone without exploring what the difference between “arrested for,” “charged with,” and “found guilty of” is. This sort of media exposure does not do justice to the serious issue that domestic violence is.

Essentially, domestic violence is an assault against a family member. here is the most pertinent part of the domestic violence statute in Ohio, my home state:

Section 2919.25: Domestic Violence.

(A) No person shall knowingly cause or attempt to cause physical harm to a family or household member.

(B) No person shall recklessly cause serious physical harm to a family or household member.

(C) No person, by threat of force, shall knowingly cause a family or household member to believe that the offender will cause imminent physical harm to the family or household member.

Section 2901.01(A)(3) “Physical harm to persons” means any injury, illness, or other physiological impairment, regardless of its gravity or duration.

For the most part, a family or household member is either someone related by blood or living in the same household. If a man and a woman have a child together, though not related by blood, and even if never married and even if they never lived in the same household together, are by definition a “family member” to each other.

As to the definition of family member, I once represented a young lady who had already pled to domestic violence against her Aunt. Upon talking with my client I discovered that who she called her Aunt, who she did not live with, was really just an older female family friend that she called Aunt, but the two were not related by blood or marriage. Any criminal offense in this case would be an assault, not domestic violence. The Judge allowed her to withdraw her plea.

In practice, what is or is not domestic violence is a very complicated matter. On one extreme, under the definition, a father repeatedly punching the mother of his child because he thought she was talking to another man is certainly domestic violence. On the other extreme, it gets more complicated. A seventeen year old boy saying to his fifteen year old brother “I’m going to kill you” when the older boy finds the younger brother wearing his clothes? Fits the definition. A grandmother thumping her grandchild in the head with her middle finger causing momentary pain? Fits the definition. But should we treat these sorts of cases as “real” domestic violence?

To illustrate my point, here’s an example from my own experience as a court appointed criminal defense attorney. Mom and Dad were unmarried and had a very young child together, maybe 6 to 9 months. Because they were unmarried, Mom had custody of the child. Their relationship was up and down. One day Mom, Dad and the baby were all together and Mom and Dad started to argue. Dad was holding the baby and Mom wanted the baby back. Mom tried to grab the baby from Dad and in the process scrapped his hand with one of her fingernails. The injury was not deep, barely bled if at all, and certainly did not require medical attention. Mom was charged with domestic violence.

Prior to the bench trial I told the prosecutor that although perhaps the facts fit the definition of domestic violence I couldn’t understand why she was proceeding with the case. I thought prosecuting these facts as domestic violence demeaned “real” domestic violence.

As always, the prosecutor put on her witnesses first and called the Dad to testify. Dad explained what happened and told the Judge the injury he had sustained. The Judge actually did the unusual and asked if Dad had any other injuries. When the Judge heard that there were no other injuries he told everyone in the courtroom, including myself, to sit down. He then said, to his credit, that although the facts may fit the definition of domestic violence he was not going to find anyone guilty of domestic violence under these circumstances and found Mom not guilty.

In another case I defended the husband. This case was much more serious and required a jury verdict to resolve. Amongst other things, the wife had twice accused the husband of attempting to kill her by strangulation. The first time the wife said that the husband had wrapped a cord around her neck, pulled it tight, and tried to kill her that way. The second time the wife alleged that the husband used his hands to strangle her for ten to 15 minutes during a larger struggle, to the point where she passed out momentarily and heard a cracking noise.

Both cases were investigated by the police in a timely manner. In both cases the police took multiple photos of the “victim,” including her neck. In both cases, the police officers said in their reports and the photos showed no injuries to her neck, not even an abrasion or redness. When it came time for closing arguments in the second case, I simply walked in front of the jury showing them one by one the photos the State put into evidence of the wife’s neck. The jury found the husband “not guilty”.

Of course, no one knows for a certainty what happened between this husband and wife. But we do know at times that people falsely accuse others, even of very serious offences, and discerning the truth of the matter is not always easy. The public should always make the distinction between arrested for, charged with, and found guilty of.

Finally, one sort of domestic violence case that is very prevalent that doesn’t get much attention because the cases involve juveniles is when children attack their parents or caregivers. Most often, but not always, these cases involve children with serious mental health issues or other disabilities, like severe Autism.

A child is playing a video game and is told by his Mom to turn it off and go to bed and flies into a rage and attacks Mom, hitting her with a gaming console. A teenage daughter flies into a rage and pushes Dad down the stairs after he takes away her phone when he discovers she’s sending nude photos of herself to older men she’s met on social media. These examples are made up, but certainly similar sorts of incidents happen all the time across the country. Sometimes these volatile situations are fueled by one or more of the family members having mental health and/or substance abuse issues.

“Real” domestic violence is a very serious issue. Not only do the victims typically carry emotional and sometimes physical scars that can last a lifetime, but children exposed to domestic violence in their homes carry similar emotional scars. One of the most prevalent scars that children exposed to domestic violence can carry is that they are more likely to be either the victims or perpetrators of domestic violence once they reach adulthood. These cycles can repeat themselves through families over generations, especially if not properly addressed. These issues are serious and should be addressed in a serious manner, in private and in the media.